National Adoption Month

Hey All,
November is National Adoption Month and the 17th was National Adoption Day.

I need to say something very important here...
If you are in the process, have adopted or considering adoption, please find yourself a support group, especially one that takes into consideration all the parts of the adoption triad (birth parent, adoptive parent and adoptee) the most important things I've learned about adoption I have learned from adoptees and from birth parents. I was STUPID ignorant and the group gently and carefully educated me in how to be the parent of an adoptee.

I'm going to put a shameless plug here for my own group in NJ, called CHATS (google it :) and I'd love to see you there.

From my own part of the triad, Adoption is the best thing that has happened to my DH and me. We sing its praises and are so grateful for this amazingly perfect child for our family that China graciously allowed us to parent. (I guess they wanted me to never sleep again! ;)

But, as happy as we are, we know there will be darker times. One day Kelsey will understand that she's lost her first family, culture, language, etc. And we don't have any real answers for her because of the circumstances of her adoption and China. It makes me very sad that one day she'll lose her innocence. I've been reading and trying to educate myself on how to handle this one day. I hope that I'm up to the task.

One of the things that drew us to China adoptions is that they are closed and protect the adoptive family from contact. I realize now the easiest thing for us is the worse case scenario for our child. A newer friend of mine is the adoptive Mom in an open adoption. While she has her own challenges, there are so many positives to the open adoption. I wanted to pursue a domestic adoption, but we felt it was important to have a child who is Asian. Plus, we were told due to our own particular case, it would be a very very long time to wait.

To Birth Moms (hopefully Kelsey's Birth Mom, but that's probably not realistic) please know that educated Adoptive Moms recognize your pain and respect the choice you've made in making an adoption plan for your child. I honor Kelsey's Birth Mom by raising her to be the best woman she can be and to give her opportunities for her soul to soar. I hope she is at peace.

To any adoptees that may read this blog. If you are struggling to find your first family, I hope you receive the tools to do this (I truly believe this is your right) and that your reunion is a joyous one. I hope that your adoptive family doesn't feel threatened by your birth family and understand how important it is to know where you come from. I respect and admire each of you that have stepped in front of a group of strangers and friends and shared the deepest parts of your personal story. I learn so much from you and am so grateful that you are guiding my way on how to deal with the issues that will arise in Kelsey's life later on.

To Adoptive Parents - we are a passionate and dedicated bunch who will call a congressman at the drop of the hat for a stranger in trouble) and will write letters when needed. Most of us have had years of longing/waiting for a child to love and are so thrilled, humbled and grateful to FINALLY be parents! I hope we can all remember that we are 1/3 of an amazing group of people who have come together to create the child we dearly love.

Happy Adoption Day Kelsey, your Daddy and I love you more than anything else in this world and would do everything in our power to keep you safe and happy.

I hope this post makes sense :)

Love,
Mommy